Parenting Manual Please

As a parent, have you ever wondered if having each child come with a how-to use manual would have been nice?

If you are a parent, I bet you have wondered with the wish of a child’s manual before. I have asked multiple times if I could get a manual attached to each of my kids. A handy manual that can assist me in handling each of my children’s situations and inform me on how to help each of them every time. A manual that would tell me the perfect things to say or do for every situation they find themselves facing.  

Parenthood is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and countless surprises. From the moment a child enters our lives, we embark on a path of growth, learning, and unconditional love. Yet, despite the countless resources available to us, there’s one thing every parent wishes for: a manual. A guidebook to navigate the complexities of raising a child, providing us with all the answers we seek. But regrettably, children don’t come with a manual, leaving us to navigate the beautiful chaos of parenthood on our own.

As parents, we often find ourselves facing uncertainties, second-guessing our decisions, and wondering if we’re doing enough. It’s natural to crave certainty and guidance in such a monumental role, but the truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Each child is unique, each family dynamic is different, and what works for one may not work for another, making it even harder to try and replicate another parent’s style, advice, or successful strategies because the strategies, although perfect for that parent, may not work for your family. One thing that most parents share for sure is second-guessing themselves and sometimes having a little guilt about whether they are doing enough or making all the right decisions. The truth is that we would make many mistakes along the way.

It gets even more interesting if you have children who are entirely different in character and behaviors like mine. Most families have kids who are completely different in behavior, and a strategy that the same parents have used for one of their children would not work for the other child because each child comes with their own little personality, their own little journey, and experiences. As a parent, you are the same person catering to different individuals. Each interaction requires parents to change their strategies and adapt them to the situation. All of these context-switching can become overwhelming, leaving parents uncertain of the best strategy to follow.

However, amidst the uncertainties, there is hope. Hope that, as parents, we are equipped with all the tools that you need. You have the love, dedication, and resilience needed to tackle any challenge that comes our way. There will be many mistakes and mix-ups along the way, but there is hope that each day presents an opportunity to learn and grow alongside our children, embracing the journey with grace and humility.

Remember, the journey is not just the parents but the child’s, too. We are to go through the journey together. Each child has its way. Regardless of whether we are a child or a parent, we all go through each life’s circumstances, experiencing them through our own experiences and frames of reference. For instance, you and I may participate in the same theater play, but at the end of the scene, I could feel extremely sad because of something that was presented, and you may feel joy or even entertainment. For the same event, people who participated would all have completely different feelings about the same event due to their own life experiences or frames of reference through which we process and see things.

The example is a testament to how different we all are in life. Although we live through the same circumstances, we all experience the same events and circumstances in a completely different light. In a way, it is fascinating to know how different we are from each other, and the difference is the beauty of life. It is the beauty of parenting and of children living under the same roof with the same parents. Be mindful of your frame of reference and gracefully allow your child to process things in his own way and just be there with love, acceptance, dedication, and resilience. 

While we may not have a manual to follow, we can take comfort in knowing that we are doing our best with the tools we have at our disposal. Every decision made, every sacrifice, and every moment of doubt is a testament to our unwavering commitment to our children’s well-being.

It’s important to remind ourselves that perfection is an illusion and mistakes are inevitable. But it’s how we respond to those mistakes that truly matters. Instead of dwelling on what we could have done differently, we must focus on the present moment and the lessons it brings.

As we navigate the ups and downs of parenthood, let us operate with the hope that our efforts are not in vain. That in hindsight, we will look back with pride, knowing that we gave our all and prepared our children for the journey ahead.

I often look at my childhood in hindsight, and I recall growing up, there was a lot my parents did that I didn’t understand at the moment, some decisions that I even despised them for. However, in hindsight, I love them for each chance they took to offer me all the opportunities they could with what they had. Although it was not all perfect, I know they did all they could with their complete love for me.

Today, I enjoy watching the elderly pass by with their grandchildren. At many sports events of children’s activities, I watch grandparents show up with their grandkids and sometimes be accompanied by their children, who are now parents. You will occasionally catch a soft smile on the grandparent’s faces. I trust that the soft smile is their reviewing all their decisions through their growing journey alongside their child’s growth and thinking for themselves. I tried my best. Although my child is not perfect now, I gave my child all I had to offer, and they will provide all that she or he has to my grandchildren, and they will be happy. And the circle continues.

So, to every parent out there, remember that you are enough, your love is enough, and you are making a difference in your child’s life daily. Embrace the journey, cherish the moments, and believe that you are doing your best, one day at a time. After all, there’s no greater gift we can give our children than the reassurance that they are loved, supported, and cherished beyond measure.