Happy, Sad? Think Again!

Have you ever accomplished something or wanted something so badly and worked tirelessly to get there, and soon after the accomplishment, you feel as empty as before, or soon after the big break, you find yourself already looking for the next best thing?

If you answered yes, then welcome to the club. You are not alone. If anything, stop blaming yourself or feeling bad for always looking for something better.

Many psychological studies demonstrated through much research that we are inherently primarily irrational. We constantly seek to improve and mainly seek something other than what we currently have.

Research has shown that the pursuit of happiness or the search to improve oneself or have something better than the current status is excellent. However, it becomes a trap if one cannot set realistic goals for oneself. This pursuit of happiness can quickly become exhorting and send one into a downward spiral. Humans are inherently driven to set new goals and aspire for more. Once they achieve a significant milestone, they may quickly shift their focus to the next challenge or desire. Constantly pursuing new goals can prevent individuals from fully savoring or sustaining their happiness after a particular achievement or reward. Especially since we are all flawed by what psychology refers to as cognitive biases. I’m sure that you heard of this phenomenon before. Some people refer to it as left brain and right brain bias. 

Accordingly, to human psychology, cognitive biases are systematic patterns of deviation from rationality or objective judgment that occur in various cognitive processes. They are an important area of study in psychology and have been widely researched and documented.

I’m sure you heard of the famous confirmation bias. This bias refers to the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses. An example is how people selectively gather and remember information supporting their existing views while ignoring or downplaying contradictory evidence. The great example that most people provide is how we suddenly start to see more of the car brand that we wish to buy on the road. This particular car brand was always on the road, but we will magically start to see more of them when we think of purchasing one for ourselves. Get it? Yes, don’t go with your gut, as the saying goes. If anything, your gut is probably just confirming what you wanted to believe or what you wanted to hear all along. 

What about our limited frame of reference? Have you noticed how you can only relate to things as they pertain to your own experience? This behavior is what psychology calls the availability of heuristics. We ran most of our thinking through our experience or most recent events. If you judge situations this way, please give yourself space to think more clearly. Broaden your scope. Ask yourself what you still need to learn and how to get more information. Don’t just take your current experience and decide based on experience in your limited repertoire only. Remember that we tend to overestimate the likelihood of events or situations that are easily recalled from memory, often due to their recent occurrence or high emotional impact. One such example is when we mostly think that we are going to love something always, and a few months later, we find out that we feel differently about such things now. Guess what changed? New life experience. Same you, but a new experience.

Have you found yourself saying things like “why is this always happening to me?” and the like sentences? If you start to gather objective data, you may find out that the majority of the population may have a similar problem, that it is more than likely that you are not a unique case, and that many more people in the world experience the same things as you do.

I wish I had known this in my twenties when pushing myself to pursue silly things. Each time, whatever I had accomplished was only good and made me happy for a few days or months. And there I go into the next best thing. This constant pursuit was my everyday lifestyle. It gave me a purpose to go on. It made me feel as if I mattered and that I was doing something good with my life, and that I was not just sitting around not doing much with my life. However, this way of thing leaves one disappointed and feeling less than anything. If you are constantly looking for the next best thing, you miss the opportunity to appreciate what you have or even reward yourself for the hard work that you put into getting what you currently have. This behavior is the downward spiral that I want to bring to your attention. It is okay to want more, but you need to slow down and appreciate and enjoy the process. Remember not to hold back your happiness for the next time you accomplish that one great thing. Instead, live the daily endeavor and enjoy every moment on the route to reach the goal as much as possible. The bottom line is that if you are not having fun working toward the goal you set yourself, then let me tell you that once you accomplish the goal, you will feel just as empty as you once were before you got the so much sought-after goal. 

You need to enjoy the process. You cannot go through life as a motionless robot or as a means to an end.

Whatever you are doing or whatever goal you set, like buying a brand-new house, getting married, getting your dream job, or making the amount of money you always dreamed of and whatever your desire is, enjoy the process to get there instead.

Please ignore yourself when you find yourself saying that you need to push through or that you can make great sacrifices and wishing that out lough and saying to yourself that once you get there, you will be the happiest person on earth and that you will have arrived. Anytime you say, I cannot wait to get this amazing thing or that amazing thing and so forth. Yes, don’t make anything of this noise. Remember that you are a descendant of a sapient and that you will not settle. It is in your DNA to continue moving forward, so instead, be happy daily. Some days you will not be happy, which is also okay. After all, you cannot sustain being happy continuously, either.

Several scientific explanations explain why humans may not remain happy for long after achieving an outstanding accomplishment or receiving a reward. Multiple scientific factors backed this phenomenon. Hedonic adaptation, also known as the hedonic treadmill, is the tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness or well-being after experiencing positive or adverse events. The behavior means that no matter how significant the achievement or reward, its initial happiness tends to diminish over time as individuals become accustomed to their new circumstances.

The Hedonic Treadmill was researched by Brickman and Campbell in 1971. This classic study, published in the journal American Psychologist, introduced the concept of the hedonic treadmill. It suggests that individuals have a baseline level of happiness to which they tend to return after positive or negative events, indicating that sustained happiness may be challenging to maintain.

These studies represent a small sample of the extensive research on happiness and well-being. It’s worth noting that individual experiences of happiness and unhappiness are highly subjective and can be influenced by a wide range of factors, including genetics, life circumstances, relationships, and personal attitudes.

However, if you are like most of us, the next time you feel disappointed because of a situation, do not worry too much about it because you will be fine in a little bit. The same is true if you think this friend is the best you ever had or if you feel this is the best time you are having. Remember that you will feel differently very soon. Just sit back and enjoy the moment.